I know any mom-to-be has an "anxious spirit" when it gets towards the end of the road, however, I feel like my anxiousness is almost driving me mad. I don't like feeling this way and I begin to question why I am feeling this way. Then I am reminded.....since 28 weeks of pregnancy I have had weekly cervical ultrasounds, weekly doctor "checks", weekly conversations on the "what if" if the baby were to come early, been in the hospital 3 times to stop contractions I wasn't even feeling, taken medicine to stop the "ghost contractions" that made me feel like I was having a heart attack, and the lovely confinement to home/bed with a 1 and 1/2 year old showing me a new definition to "terrible ones". I am anxious. I know that the next part will not be any easier, in fact, probably much much more difficult, but I feel like I have lived week to week for an all too long while now. Here I sit at 38+ weeks pregnant, dilated to a 4, 60% effaced going "Seriously!" All this worry and he is still hanging in there!
But at the same time it has allowed me to stop and really put into perspective life. I have been very humbled in the past few days. I have been living my life week to week, while God is trying to remind me to live day to day. I have been so consumed by what tomorrow or the next day will bring, that I am forgetting to enjoy what God has given me today......life growing inside me, a beautiful toddler that I only have days with just him and me left, a small amount of peace to my days when he is napping (which I know with two will be diminished shortly), time with my husband as a family of three, nights of full 7-8 hours of sleep, not to mention God's daily blessings to us.....I could go on and on. So as this new era of my life will inevitably begin in the next few weeks....or days....if not hours.....I am thankful for today, God's love, and his endless blessings!
