Mommy Blues...

This last week, and I do mean a "solid, straight" week, has left me remembering what it was like when I was home on maternity leave with Baker.  I remember being almost a little excited to start back to teaching and even feeling a little guilty for thinking that.  Since that time I have been dying to be back at home with him again, contemplating every other...any other...means of compensation to get me here.  Who knew it would come in the form of bedrest.  However, I am now remembering how hard it is to be at home all day every day, being the one totally responsible for taking care of your child.  It has taught me a brand new meaning of humility.  I realized today that for the past year, I really haven't had much time during the day with my child, other than weekends and holidays.  I get him at home for our nightly routine and on the weekends.  I have been at the mercy for so long of others making the right decisions for what is best for my child during the day.  And now....the decisions have been put back in my hands.  I am finding myself making daily decisions and questioning what the right answer is.....is what I am doing the best thing for my child.  So I guess, through my blog, I am reaching out for advice or just seeking comfort that all moms share in this "questioning".  I sit with a screaming child as background music, my daily allowance of sanity slowly draining out of me, and am trying to "decide" on what the best thing for him is.  We are transitioning to one nap!  Baker has always, on weekends at least, taken two beautiful 1 1/2 to 2 hour naps a day.  He has never done quite so well with a sitter, but I have always bragged on how well he does in his "own" bed.   As we are trying to transition to one nap, he is now taking one 1 1/2 hour nap.  Not only is he not getting enough sleep at nap time, he is waking up earlier every morning fussy, rather than sweet, happy, and playful.  Mommy and no sleep don't do well together either.  So what is the answer?  Do I let him cry it out to train his body that he has to sleep longer at nap time?  Does that really work anyway.....b/c it never did as an infant.  Baker NEVER followed the "books", so I am not one that swears by them anymore.  And if you know me you know I tried really hard...in fact, I still get made fun of for my new mommy calls ("Kelley....he is not doing what the books says he should be!").  So do I get him up and he is just one of those children who doesn't take long naps?  Is this just a phase?  Is it his teeth?  Like I said, it has been a long week.  Between not enough sleep and the constant fussiness, mommy is almost scared by the thought this baby could come early!  The Lord will have to double my daily sanity allowance.  I will say though, that through this uneasy time, I am very thankful!  I am very thankful that I am home, very thankful that Baker and I are in this together, and thankful that I can be his comfort during his time of need....no matter how many gray hairs he is putting on my head!